Flushing Grandpa Down The Toilet

[jpegghost]

I had a nice weekend with Alex that was tragically boring solely from how fucking MISERABLE this heat wave is. It's currently 7:30, with the sun setting, and it's abouuuutt 90 degrees. I need to speak to who is in charge :/

I wrote an essay for my Mortuary Administration class (boo) on alkaline hydrolysis (yay!) and why it is good and the FUTURE of death. Wouldn't you like to be hit with water and acid over the course of several hours until you were brittle bone? Then that brittle bone pounded into powder and placed in a decorative urn? The professor responded:

"Good research and paper. Personally, I am squeamish about hydrolysis for the usual reasons; boiling grandpa in acid and flushing him down the drain? How is that respectful? But I know the new generation of funeral directors will have to come to grips with new demands."

But all that matters is that sweet sweet 100% I got.

Me and Alex then laid on the couch and tossed ideas back and forth on what to do while adhering to social distancing in public. We could go to a store, but people. We could go to the park, but the sun is currently boiling the city.
We ended up watching an Ode To A Most Belov'd Anamalocarus. Yes. All 4 minutes and 14 seconds. We truly lament the loss of such a pivotal ancestral arthropod.

I'm now deep into a rabbit hole of looking at bisected lungs filled with P. jiroveci fungi until the sun sets, then hopefully we can actually go for a walk in the ... Cool, chilly, 87 degree weather. Augh.

Pictured: Me

Comments

[8hyenas]

Is this those signs for AQUA CREMATION!? Which I have believed to be an obvious front for predatory mermaids

[jpegghost]

YES! Aqua cremation is HERE! In limited states and cities and sometimes only can be used on pets but it's HERE!

[8hyenas]

Oh I like it. Much better than fire. I'm going to pick that. You know, if my preferred death of "in hole I dug myself and as I die dislodging the dirt I piled myself and yes, at the end she buried herself and planted her own memorial tree so y'all just fuck off now"

[jpegghost]

Cremation is honestly so bad for the environment, it's exhausting but a lot of people don't like the idea of being ~flushed away~, even though the alternative is going up in smoke, save the bones.

That's also a possibility and sounds like a green burial to me! People do that kind of thing -- Which I have also discussed in my proposal but no one wants to talk about how you can legally recreate The Wicker Man :/

[8hyenas]

i mean IDEALLY i would be exposed to the elements and like feed a hungry bear cub or something. sigh. what a waste of meat.

(DONATE ME TO A WILDLIFE RESCUE)

[jpegghost]

Alex wants that too, he says he just wants to be eaten by vultures, presumably a la Robert Pattinson in "The Lighthouse."

You'd be surprised how many people say in their will "Throw me in a ditch" ... And then the children choose an elaborate funeral worth 17k

[amejisuto]

I didn't even know water cremation was a thing. Mom just wanted to be regular creamated. I'll have to look into that if its better for the environment.

[jpegghost]

Alkaline Hydrolysis is VERY very new, and only legal in a few places, and more often than not, reserved for pets. I think in the next 10 years you may start hearing more about it, maybe, hopefully!

[amejisuto]

HUh. Hopefully, I'll live to hear more about it. Not quite ready to kick the bucket yet, but its something to keep in mind.

In the back of my head, I always thought I'd leave my body to a body farm. I'm sure one of them would like to do experiments on someone who is obese and the rate of composition or something like that.

[jpegghost]

Those are great causes, they're very useful for criminal investigations, if you're okay being covered in leaves or put in a bog or something.

The rate of decomposition in obese decendents is pretty quick, they tend to decompose faster as any kind of warmth accelerates the breakdown of proteins and encourages microbial growth, and adipose tissue clings to warmth the longest. However, you're less likely to have an intense and difficult rigor mortis!

[amejisuto]

I love watching CSI and I figure this is one way to get in an episode, sort of. Becoming part of a crime scene. LOL. I just don't know if there's one around here. I can't afford to have my body shipped off.

[jpegghost]

If you donate to science I'm pretty sure it's entirely free! Whenever we have had a person donated, at least, it is at no expense to the family. They just can't check up on the deceased, so to speak, lol

[amejisuto]

I don't have any family so that would be fine with me. Might as well do something useful with my unlife. LOL.

[dark_phoenix54]

The acid treatment doesn't really bother me- although I admit that the first time I heard of it I had a couple of squeamish moments- because we all end up as component molecules anyway. Personally, though, I still think I'm committed to cremation, just because that's how my parents went and I want to be spread mostly at the Pacific Ocean, and a bit in a couple of other places. I want some put in a hole here, for instance, and a tree planted on top. But apparently that's doable with the acid wash.. hmm..

[jpegghost]

A lot of people are squeamish to it, I'm just a goblin person who stopped feeling affected by decay ages ago. The last time I was squeamish was at a severely decomped car accident victim whose mother wanted no embalming, no makeup. Very gory.

You can be spread in multiple locations, under federal and local laws. But also, if you Shawshank Redemption it no one has to know ...

[teirae]

I laughed at your professors reply, because you know, putting grampa in a furnace and burning him to Ash is so much more respectful *rolls eyes*

[jpegghost]

A lot of people i nthe funeral industry are stuck on their old ways. I assisted a funeral home up north, and the director said that he had to beg and twist his father (who owned the funeral home before him)'s arm to just get a fax machine!

[alee_grrl]

I'm hoping that by the time I kick the bucket alkaline hydrolysis has become more common and available for human remains. I'm all for a more environmental way to deal with my remains.

I do not miss southern summers at all. It being 90 degrees in the morning is so freaking miserable.

[jpegghost]

It's extremely good for the environment compared to cremation. I'm not about to list all the reasons cremation is bad, since our country is currently at a 50% cremation rate and it'll only rise in time ... But it releases a lot of not-good things into the atmosphere.

It's SO BAD. I'm gonna look now, let's see ...

...

Okay it's currently 90 with a high of 96 today :T

[switterbeet]

Congrats on the 100%!

Yessssssss alkaline hydrolysis yessssssssssss. I know there's at least a few places in the province which do it and I'm hopeful that by the time I'm able to pre-arrange my funeral* it will be more common and affordable.

*Both my parents pre-arranged their own funerals when I was like, 10, and paid for everything in advance (which of course went up like 10x between then and now). I consider it the biggest gift (after y'know life and love and stuff) they could've ever given my sister and I (and each other), and I'm planning to do so myself as soon as it's financially reasonable for me.

I would love your thoughts on this practice and how it works out for people etc!!!

[jpegghost]

Pre-arranged funerals are fantastic, and it's smart that they paid for everything in advance. If I were you, I'd opt for a guaranteed contract, or one where prices remain consistent despite the inevitable increase there will be.

I think the practice is great, it will just require a lot of laws and regulations for it to be feasible. It's too easy for the public to get worked up, I feel like unless we are completely transparent with alkaline hydrolysis and its process then people will get confused, mad, then just ban it.

[switterbeet]

Ohh neat, I didn't know those kinds of contracts were a thing. Thanks!